She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
