The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
