Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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