She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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