the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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