Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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