I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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