It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
