I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
