Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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