I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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