Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
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I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we should paint friendship bongs
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