I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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