Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
