I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I fill condoms, not promises.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
