honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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