i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
