I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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