You made me cry and you don't even care
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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