There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
