shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
