i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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