last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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