He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
