It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
