If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
