I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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