Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
