Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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