Pants 0. Shit 1.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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