The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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