I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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