You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize