remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
