I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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