I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
