i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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