i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
