And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
