I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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