I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
