i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
