You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
