Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
