nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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