just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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