Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
