i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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