I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
