Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
