Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
