shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize