you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
