I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
