Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
