i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize