Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
as a side note pls kill me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
