and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
