my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
