his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
