I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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