he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
