Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
